Pacific Voyages is a weekly multi-media magazine about the strange goings-on of the Pacific, the world’s largest playground. Just lean back and take a break from the end of the world and travel with me to the ends of the world.
I’ll tell you about Pitcairn, where the Mutiny on the Bounty folks went and where their descendants still live. They are among the least fun folks I’ve ever encountered. Certainly it’s one of most remote places to live. Half the population of the men alternate spending time in Australian prisons for pedophilia and then they switch with the other half because they need at least 10 men to launch the boat to the supply ships.
I’ll take you to Ball’s Pyramid, a 1,844’ tall island just 300 feet wide, and we’ll soar around it in a thrilling wingsuit flight.
And of course we’ll stop by the grave of the famous cannibal, Udre Udre, who claimed to have single handedly eaten over 800 people right down to their toes. And how could we miss the Island of the Dolls where thousands of rotting bug-eyed baby dolls decorate the trees as if a volcano hit an orphanage.
It’s not all gloom, though. We’ll set off atomic bombs and end up with the bikini bathing suit. And I’ll tell you about and island sultan so rich he has a 7,000 car collection, a 2,152,172 sq. ft. house (strangely precise) and a yacht named ‘tits.’
Trust me when I say I will take you to places you have not considered. In any case, this is a vacation from the cares of the world with not a whiff of the virus. But watch out for malaria, beriberi, blackwater fever, typhus, cannibals, murderous mosquitos, sharks, sea urchins, saltwater crocodiles, deadly jellyfish, political shenanigans, white bread with Spam and wildly overpriced pina coladas.
My motto is: “Travel to places you will never go.”