Viewers of ersatz reality TV are interested in titillation and the once nature-oriented cable channel, Discovery, realized that it was sharks and Nazis that really sold those ads for tiny elevators for the dog you grossly overfed

and reverse mortgages that gobble your house so Discovery doubled down and now feature sharknazi programs.

Discovery is producing increasingly fraudulent documentaries some so egregious that The Donald drops his Kentucky chicken bucket in ecstasy spilling greasy white meat across his Chinese-made size XXX pink golf shirt as he attempts to rise from his golden throne screaming: “Yes! Yes!, finally, my kinda ultrafake-news!”

Recently Discovery ran a story complete with a marine biologist (actually a paid actor) claiming that they found WWII footage of a prehistoric Megalodon shark (that ate his last lunch four million years ago) cruising next to a Nazi U-boat off the coast of South Africa during the War II. Never mind that the tip to tip shot of the fin and tail was double what the paleontological record shows or that there were never any Nazi subs in South Africa.

Discovery also ran a fraudulent news story to promote “Shark Week” of a shark being caught in Lake Ontario where salt water fish don’t live. This prompted the Canadian government to issue a shark warning for swimmers. Apologues all round for that one, so Canadian.

All in fun except mass producing blatant lies is now a serious game with millions of players. Discovery is producing a new show this year on the return of the Megalodon which will further inflame the shark fearing public.

We all know that sharks are murderous predators fixated on eating you, your children and biting the middle out of your boat. Confirmed kills worldwide in 2020 totaled 13 (not including pets). This is far fewer than are abducted by aliens each year and just ten more than the speculation that Bigfoot killed three pot farmers in California last year (I think the Bulgarian mob did it but I’m no statistician).

Bulgarian mob probably

Sure, it’s no fun to be eaten by a shark but a stunning fact about sharks is that shark finning is still raging at an unsustainable pace; primality in the waters off Asia and the Pacific. In 2020 between 70 and 100 million plus sharks were killed and their fins cut off to supply the shark fin soup on menus in China.

Yao Ming doing his part

Shark fin soup has almost no flavor but is laden with MSG and high status. It’s a must have for many extravagant Chinese feasts and there are a lot of rich Chinese folks these days. The definned carcasses of the sharks are dumped overboard even though it could be eaten. Many Chinese are gung-ho for status. I was in a store in Shanghai where they sold white beach stones fetching thousands because they look like kidneys or something and there is a thriving market for rhino horn dong stiffening medicine. By the way, this medicine really does work especially when cut with Viagra.

In the last 40 years about half the sea creatures in the ocean have gone to heaven, where it’s damn hard for the fish to breath (note to self: ask priest if fish go to heaven). The sharks are leading the parade to the total annihilation of life in the sea which will not be good for Star-Kist or for our backsides that we will be kissing goodbye too, along with all the tuna.

“Help, I can’t swim!”

Here’s the thing. Humans are animals and animals eat and humans eat other animals. Some vegetarians will tell you that we don’t need to eat meat and some say it isn’t even natural. Natural or not it’s happening. We could beat ourselves up about it or we could recognize that Man is an unstoppable voracious consumer and will be until—TV remote in one hand) the last slimy drumstick goes cold in The Donald’s other tiny hand.

We are all doomed. That’s life. But much the Pacific Ocean if you in over your head you can drown; but if you happen to be on a tropical island it can be paradise on earth. There are, what I like to call islands-of-grace in the vastness of the entropic universe. The following video shows one of these islands. Thanks to Russ Isaacson for this.


  • Rb says:

    Bravo Jamis!

  • Charlie Schmidt says:

    Thank you Jamis.
    Please keep up the tireless informative journalism efforts you are providing for all us us.

  • Bill Goss says:

    Great piece!
    Captain Jamis, you have the uncanny ability to mix the unserious with the serious in just the perfect dose.
    Unserious… the Hitler Meg.
    Serious…. the horrible photo of the de-finned Hammerhead shark, with it’s entire edible and protein rich body wastefully sinking to the bottom of the ocean…. all because of the insane notion that shark fins soaked in water provide rich people special nutrients that will further enhance their already wealthy lifestyle and status.
    Save that photo of the dying shark.
    Put it in your photo library when you want a visual reminder of the inanity of humanity.
    And save the video at the end of Jamis’s piece as a constant reminder that oftentimes sharks aren’t behaving as the blood thirsty killers in the way that the media so often portrays them.
    I swam with sharks in the Galapagos and they proved to be either curious or disinterested – a lot like many of the people I’ve met in life.
    I’m sure you can figure out the camp Jamis came from…. he’s the most curious man I’ve ever met….and – in my boat -that is the ultimate compliment.
    Bravo, Jamis…. Wonderful piece!

  • Leigh says:

    Loved the video (and the comments about the orange one). As a massage therapist, I have found that most creatures except maybe my dad’s cat, love to be touched,. People, lizards, squirrels, goats, snakes, lobster, horses, monkeys, elephants, worms, fish… well you get the idea, all lean in to be stroked. Why wouldn’t a shark enjoy gentle touch on a sensitive part of its body? Someday, I hope humanity goes against its baser nature and starts to nurture this planet, the seas, the land and the animals. Dominion over the earth my ass… we don’t need to save the earth, she will do just fine when she shakes us off like water on a dog. We need to save our own butts.

  • ollie stevenson says:

    awareness and collective group thoughts can create change.
    It is to send the message of change in relation to other creatures..
    truly sad to think that the nation of Japan is perhaps going to start hunting whales again.
    thoughts travel let us take the time to send Meditate Just do one thing that matters to you
    for the good of all

  • Sean says:

    Another fine opinionated piece, loaded with your distinctive personality… but the dog elevator photo made my day.

  • Nancy Aaron says:

    Right on, Leigh!

  • Tyler says:

    Another surprising shark fact is that the Sharknado franchise is one of the most successful film franchises of all time, grossing over $4.5 billion with six films. What?!

  • Wild Willy says:

    And just where can I order one of those dog elevators for my Fido?

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